Week 5 SEC Wrap UP

Alabama 42 Ole Miss 21

General Lane Kiffin tried to send some rat poison over to Tuscaloosa through the media earlier in the week to sabotage a victory Saturday. General Kiffin operating the Lane Train loaded up with his Oxford Infantry armed with high powered rifles invaded Tusked territory. It did not take long for General Kiffin and his field General Matt Corral to realize their high powered rifles were having no effect on Nick Saban and his Pachyderm defense and their big cannons on offense. The Rebel Army started shooting wildly, often shooting themselves in the foot. By halftime the Lane Train had been derailed, the Oxford Army was in full retreat and Bama fans were enjoying their popcorn. 

 Mississippi State 26 Texas A&M 22

Mike Leach led his Pirate Pooches into College Station in a battle of Canines. Jimbo Fisher’s College Station Canines have been struggling to keep fleas and ticks out of their offensive playbook this season. The Aggies spend most of their time scratching and unable to move the ball with any consistency. Mike Leach’s Slobbering Pugs have had no trouble running up and down the field, they just had problems crossing that little white line into the endzone. Saturday Night the Pirate Pugs crossed the goal line just enough to leave Jimbo Fisher and his Military Mutts scratching their heads on how to save this season.

Auburn 24 LSU 19

In a battle of SEC West Kittens, Bryan Harsin led his Plainsmen Felines into Death Valley, a place where the Auburn Kittens have lost all 9 lives since 1999. It looked like the same thing was going to happen again as the Lee County Cats had lost 8 more lives Saturday night before Bo Nix woke up from his 3 year slumber and sunk his claws into the Bayou Cats defense with his best Johnny Manzel impersonation. The improbable comeback left Tiger King Orgeron with a seat getting hotter and his Swamp Kittens licking their wounds.

Georgia 37 Arkansas 0

Sam Pittman led his top ten ranked Hogs from the Fayetteville Hog Farm to the Athens Kennel hoping to fatten their chances of making the playoffs this year. But Kirby Smart’s JunkYard Dog defense has some very sharp teeth this year. By the end of the first quarter there was a strong smell of barbeque flowing through the Athens Kennel as Kirby Smart and his Red Clay Pooches defense added extra charcoal to turn up the heat on the Hogs. The Hogs went down in flames and the Athens Pooches gained 5 pounds from all the barbeque they consumed.

Kentucky 20 Florida 13

Dan Mullen led his Gainesville Gators up to the Bluegrass Wildcat Den to feast on some Felines as they have done since 1986. For a while it looked like these pesky Swamp Lizards were going to drown the hopes of an East championship for Mark Stoops Cats and keep the streak going. But the fierce clawing defense of the Lexington Wildcats led the way to a comeback victory and to a nice pair of Alligator shoes for the Bluegrass Pigskin Cats. No SEC CHOMPionship appearance for the Gainesville Swamp Lizards this year.

Tennessee 62 Missouri 24

Josh Heupel led his Big Orange Rifle Brigade to the Columbia Tiger Cubs den looking to add some trophy mounts to the Barracks back in Knoxville. Expecting to face some angry Tiger Cats the Knoxville Army came well armed with rapid fire weapons. What General Huepel found was some helpless, toothless and clawless Cubs. These Show Me State Cats had no defense to the rapid fire of the Knoxville Infantry offensive attack. Not sure if these clawless, toothless, mangy cats are going to make a nice trophy mount in the Knoxville Barracks.

South Carolina 23 Troy 14

The Trojan Army from Troy, Alabama marched to the Columbia Chicken Coop hoping to feast on some South Carolina Yard Bird. But these Bosses of the Barnyard have bigger spurs than what the Swordsmen from Troy normally face in the Sunbelt. Not only did the men of Troy not get them a meal, they will be medicating spur wounds for the next week. 

Vanderbilt 30 Connecticut 28The Mangy Huskies from Connecticut wandered down to Music City looking for some scraps with a season empty of wins at 0-5 for the year. The Nashville Navy is where many come to find W’s. Late in the fourth quarter it looked like the Mangy Northern Dogs were going to put a W in their belly. Although these dogs were nothing but skin and bones they bit into the Song City Sailors and it looked like these Music City Soldiers would be thrown overboard with a loss again. But one last torpedo shot from the kicker went through the uprights as time ran out leaving the Constitution State Stray Dogs still starving for a W.

Written by Randy Belk Twitter @RandyBelk1